Crash and Burn - Lyrics
DOUBTIN’ THOMAS
She calls me Doubtin’ Thomas cos I don’t believe her lies x 2
She keeps playin’ me for a fool while she’s out with other guys
She never asks me for money when payday comes around. x 2
But she’s spending someone’s cash….in every bar in town
She can sweet talk the devil, like taking candy from a kid x
She said there’s nothin’ I won’t do for you, that’s exactly what she did!
She came home at 4am, said the car ran out of gas
Like the teacher used to tell me, I’m the bottom of her class
ZOMBIE WALK
It’s a crazy thing that’s going around, Takin’ over the country, takin’ over the town
Everywhere you look their eyes on the phone, Cans on their ears, ain’t nobody home
Don’t waste your time, don’t scratch your head, This is the age - of the living dead
Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk
They step out on road they crossin’ on red, Better slam on your brakes or y’all end up dead
They march into doors, they bump into glass, Trip on the sidewalk, and fall on their ass
Now they’re back on their feet & back on their phone, Mouths wide open as they howl & moan
Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk
This aint no magic, no voodoo curse, Just look around, things can’t get worse
You know the voices tell them which way to go, They aint got the sense of when to say no
Don’t waste your time, don’t scratch your head, This is the age - of the living dead
Don’t stand in their way, don’t bother to talk, Can’t nobody stop that Zombie Walk
SIX FEET FROM A RAT
If you wanna survive at this dangerous time
You gotta keep your head down, don’t step out of line
You can call me a cynic, you can call me a jerk
It all just comes in my line of work
Sharpen your mind, don’t act too slow
There’s always someone tryin’ to take your dough
Step up to the base & swing that bat
Cos you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT
It’s a jungle out there you may have heard
Not all the snakes are in the trees, baby take my word
There’s pretty/ fancy ones gonna squeeze you tight
So always check your wallet/ pockets at the end of the night
A sure fire bet you gotta refuse
If it sounds too good you’re bound to lose
Talk ain’t cheap and the earth ain’t flat
And you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT
Keep a poker face when you’re checkin’ your hand
A quiet man/ Quiet folks know the lay of the land
You need to see what’s up around the bend
Not every stranger is a long lost friend
Bad guys come and bad guys go
No rehearsal and you got no show
Check out the cowboy in a ten gallon hat
Cos you’re never more than six feet………….from a RAT
CADILLAC BOOGIE
Get your hair fixed honey, I’ll be there at nine, in the eldorado, gonna be on time
Put on your dancin shoes, & not much more, We’re gonna rock that joint when they open the door
We’re gonna boo—oogie, we’re gonna boo—oogie on that dance hall floor
We’ll do the Cadillac boogie till we can’t boogie woogie no more.
Check out Jivin’ Jean in her soulful dress & Dizzy Miss Lizzie always shakin’ that mess
All the cats in town are cuttin a rug, See ‘em swing…stroll….jitterbug.
We’re gonna etc
See the hipsters, flipsters, real gone chicks, Struttin’ their stuff & diggin’ those licks
The band is rockin & the rhythm’s hot, Cadillac boogie always hits the spot.
We’re gonna etc
Let’s party all night if the cops don’t show, keep the music high & the lights real low
If you cant stand up, cruise the caddy back to that one room, low rent, country-shack.
We’re gonna etc
BONA FIDE
See her smile/ when she’s on the dance floor
She drives me wild / like never before
I don’t need to decide / my girl is bona fide
She shakes her hair / and flashes those eyes
Makes me feel / like I won the first prize
Now we’re sitting ringside / my girl is bona fide
They all say / she’ll run you around
Break your heart / or leave you to drown
But life ain’t cut & dried / my girl is bona fide
We’ve both, we’ve both/ been in the wrong place
(At the) right time / but not enough space
Now it’s a helluva ride / my girl is bona fide
WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES
From the day you take your very first breath
There’s only 2 things certain - taxes and death
With my LOUSY luck, there ain’t no ifs and no buts
When one door closes, another one SHUTS
Just because today is one that’s been cursed
Don’t mean tomorrow can’t be WORSE
We agreed to split but now she’s come back home
I’m like a bald guy in a raffle who just won a comb
Some people like to get a long love letter
But finding me a bathroom is a whole lot better
Just a comfort break, and nothing more
How come I always get the one, with NO LOCK ON THE DOOR
They say an itchy palm is a sign you’ll get money
But the doc says its hives and THAT aint funny
With my lousy luck, there ain’t no ifs and no buts
When one door closes, another one SHUTS
Bad luck and trouble are my friends for sure
I’m in a good place now….it’s called the liquor store
I got a master card, for all that whiskey & gin
The only problem is, hell I can’t remember my pin!
BETTY LOU JUST BROKE OUTA JAIL
It’s breaking news right across the state, She climbed right over that prison gate
I always knew how she got her kicks, Brand new shoes were her only fix
Now they caught her robbing the US Mail, Betty Lou just broke outa jail
She’s gone, my baby, she’s gone That girl is gone, my baby’s long gone
You know that women gonna cheer and men gonna wail, Betty Lou just broke outa jail.
She’s a sucker for every designer brand, Manolo Blahniks and Louboutins
The judge told that gal at the end of the trial, I’m sending you baby where there ain’t no style
But prison duds were always bound to fail, cos Betty Lou just broke outa jail
They’ve nailed up her posters on Rodeo Drive, But they’re never gonna take the girl, dead or alive
Like Baby Face Nelson or Bonnie & Clyde, There’s nowhere to run & nowhere to hide
Cos she’s an earthquake right off the Richter scale, Betty Lou just broke outa jail
TOO MUCH STUFF
When the telephone rings or there’s knock at the door, My heart sinks lower than a jailhouse floor
There stands the mailman, wants me to sign, For one more package she bought online
We got too much stuff x 2
You know enough is enough
We got too much stuff
Chuck it out baby!
We got slicers, dicers, blenders ’n grills, We got Boilers, steamers, grinders ’n mills
We got barbecues, fryers & fondue sets, A popcorn maker, she bought for the pets
Garage is full, you know the spare room’s gone, We can’t use the bath-room, we can’t find the John
There’s no room to sit, no room to relax, She’s out there squeezin’ that card to the max
CRASH AND BURN
Let’s break out a bottle, and paint the town red, Get outa my mind, get into your head
Let’s break out a bottle, and paint the town red, It’s an old cliche but, we can sleep when dead
I’ll grab the money, you bring the charm, You take the honey, I’ll quit the farm
I’ll grab the money honey, you bring the charm, We’re gonna rock this joint, switch off the alarm
You stood in line, I took your turn, State of the nation, just ain’t my concern
You stood in line momma and I took your turn, If we don’t make it, we’re all gonna crash and burn
I fought the fight, you ran the race, I blew my top, you missed the chase
I fought the fight honey, you ran the race , ust get into the car, we’re gonna be a disgrace
I stood in line, you took my turn, State of the nation, just ain’t my concern
I stood in line and you took my turn, If we don’t make it, we’re all gonna crash and burn
HAVANA MAMA
Fifty miles north of New Orleans, And twenty miles east of Ville Platte
Deep in the heart of a Louisiana bayou, Lives a Cuban lady with her Panama cat
She can mix you any kinda potion, Drink it down, make you feel like a man
She can summon any kind of notion, If anyone can help you Havana Mama can
Knock on her door boy any day or night, Havana Mama makes everything al-right
If you’re in any kind of trouble, If you’re really down on your luck
Pay her a visit take a few dollars, Havana Mama’s gonna build you up
She can fix you any kind of ju ju, She can massage your achin’ back
She can conjure mighty mighty voodoo, Make your enemy drop in his track
Anytime you feel a little lonesome, Anytime you feel real low
Havana Mama knows how to console you, She can roll a cigar real slow
So if you’re ever down in the bayou, Feelin lower than a river rat
If you need a hand with your mojo, See that lady down there with her Panama cat
Knock on her etc
IT AINT SMART
I know you aint no Einstein I’m no Henry Ford
The world is full of wonders While you sit there lookin’ bored
So keep on chewin’ that gum Keep on suckin’ your thumb
Believe me when I tell you It ain’t smart to be dumb
They say that travel makes you wiser And broadens up your mind
So how come when we fly home Your brains get left behind
You’re always on that cellphone Just taking one more look
They’re closing all the libraries Cos folks wont read a book
Some people go to college Get degrees I don’t know how
Seems schools are full of children Don’t know milk comes from a cow
ALL SONGS © Mike Thomas 2022
For Richer, For Poorer
Get married in the mornin’, that’s the sensible way
Always get married in the mornin’, that’s the sensible way
Cos if it don’t work out you aint wasted the whole day
Well, for twenty years, we had no regrets
Yes for 20 years my wife and I had no regrets
Until that fateful day........when we met (I remember that day!)
She said if I look fat, will you say something nice?
She said if I put on a little weight, will you say something nice?
Sure enough baby you got perfect.......... eyesight (20-20 baby!)
Yes she dresses to kill, thats what the neighbors say
My wife dresses to kill that’s what the neighbours say
What they dont know is that she cooks the very same way
She said, you dont kiss me no more, & all of that stuff
She said you never kiss me on the lips, & all of that stuff
Well baby, it’s because your mouth is, never closed long enough
(Now I’m talkin’)
Yes she dresses to kill, that’s what etc
So baby for richer for poorer - YOU GOTTA BE SURE x 3
And if it don’t work out you aint wasted the whole day
Five Wont Getcha Ten
She’s a real heartbreaker, she sorts the boys out from the men
Bet you a dime to a dollar, five wont getcha ten
She got a smile like a cobra, got a touch as cold as ice
It’s a sure bet brother, you cant afford her starting price
This high rollin woman, Leaves paupers in her wake
Its even money honey, There’ll be no wedding cake
She’s a real heartbreaker, she sorts the boys out from the men
Bet you a dime to a dollar, five wont getcha ten
Wasted
Let me tell you baby, this aint no slip of the tongue x 2
If there’s one thing I am certain, youth is wasted on the young
When he looks in the mirror a young man never lose his nerve x 2
By the time we all reach 50 we get the face that we deserve
If youth had the knowledge, if old folks had the strength x 2
They’d agree that size doesnt matter & neither does the length
Now I’m lyin in this bedroom, breathin’ through an iron lung x 2
If I had the breath I’d shout out, youth is wasted on the young
The Cadillac Shake
Come on baby let’s start to roll
Buckle up & take control
Foot on the gas, ease off the brake
When you move you do the Cadillac Shake
You got a tail fin wiggle and a fine brown frame
Detroit vintage is the name of the game
Hear the purr of that smokin V8
When you move you do the Cadillac Shake
Well it’s one for the money and two for the show
Three to go cruisin’ and four to say no
Squeeze that stick up into five
Or slip it into hydramatic drive...
I Aint Gonna Miss Ya
Well there comes a time in the affairs of men
When we have to admit things have gotta end
So I aint gonna miss ya
No I aint gonna kiss ya
No I aint gonna miss ya
You wont, miss a man like me
We used to go together like honey and a bee
We used hang together like monkey on tree
But I aint gonna miss ya etc
Time moves on, no it dont stand still
When you walk in the room I can feel the chill
So I aint gonna miss ya etc
Left Handed Woman
I got a left handed woman, turns my world around x 2
Makes me feel so good, makes me howl just like a hound
Yes she’s a southpaw gal & she sure knows how to love x 2
She fits me better than a brand new baseball glove
A left handed woman can ride my train
A left handed woman can soothe my pain
A left handed woman can bake my bread
She can roll it tighter with her left hand thread
Don’t want no right handed woman, stickin’ to me like glue
Cos that left handed gal, knows just what to do
She drives my car down the wrong side of the street
She squeeze me tight while she steer with her feet
She pours my liquor when she gets into bed
She likes to twist my stopper til my eyes turn red
Don’t want no right handed woman, stickin’ to me like glue
Cos that left hand gal, knows just what to do
One Step Forward
I got a girl from way across town
She’s leading me on & runnin’ me round
She says she loves me but it just aint right
She sleep in the daytime & party all night
I drive a beat up Ford, she wants a Cadillac
I take one step forward, she go two steps back
I take one step forward x 3
I take one step forward, she go two steps back
She spends my money & she drinks my wine
When I ask for a quarter I don’t get a dime
I dream at night about our love affair
Truth of the matter it aint goin’ nowhere
I say let’s get married she say ‘hold on Jack’
I take one step forward she go two steps back
She introduced her cousin lookin’ tall & tanned
How come they always walkin’ hand in hand
She says take your time that’s the golden rule
I may look real dumb but I aint no fool
I’m gonna end this jive, go on the attack
She can take one step forward, I’ll go two steps back
The Secret of my Success
Aint had no luck in those marriage stakes
Never hit the jackpot, never made the breaks.
Been to the church too many times
Can’t smell the coffee, can’t read the signs
I asked my daddy about this mess
He said, hey listen boy, this is the secret of my success
(You gotta) Find a woman who makes you laugh
Find a woman with job who comes home & cleans your bath
Find a woman who’s honest & true
Find a woman who likes to dote on you
Find a woman whose lovin’ can’t be beat
Just make sure.....they never meet!
First girl I married liked to stay in bed
Feet on my pillow, wig on her head
No hi-heel sneakers just Italian shoes
She called me the husband who was born to lose
So I asked my daddy about this mess
He said, hey listen boy, this is the secret of my success
You gotta etc
Just make sure these 5 women.....never meet
Stalking Blues
I Woke up this morning, I couldn’t find my shoes
Yes I know who took ‘em, I don't need no clues
I got me a case of those mean old stalking blues
It was a whirlwind romance, just a one week stand
This little affair kinda, got out of hand
God only knows, what that woman’s planned
She got a persecution complex... started real slow
Psychosis, paranoia, fire down below
Now this crazy woman follows me everywhere I go
I changed my number, it didn’t change my luck
My phone keeps ringing, right off the hook
Cos this crazy stalking woman wrote the crazy stalking book
Ain’t got no rabbit she can boil in a pan
Just got a 44, sitting by my right hand
If she come on into my kitchen,
It’s her taxi to the promised land
Everybody’s Out
Where does it say in God’s great plan
We gotta screw our fellow man
Everybody’s out for themselves these days
We’re spending money that we aint earned
Living on credit and gettin’ burned
Everybody’s out for themselves these days
Remember when it wasn’t so
The sun would shine, the wind would blow
We’d lend a hand to the sufferin’ poor
But now the fat cats want – a whole lot more!
Banks wont lend, folks wont save
We’re deep in debt, from cradle to grave
Everybody’s out for themselves these days
It’s a crazy world of mobile phones
Fast food joints and payday loans
Everybody’s out for themselves these days
Politicians preach and pile on pain
Then ride first class on the gravy train
Everybody’s out for themselves these days
Soleil de la Louisiane
Well I’m headin’ south just one more time
Been away too long, I nearly lost my mind
Mardi Gras - Hey la bas
Second line - Mighty fine
‘Tite filles - Elles sont parties
Zydeco - Well there ya go
I’m gonna put my blues on the run
In the warm Louisiana sun
I need to get me a dish of crawfish stew
Sweet potato pie & my daddy’s brew
Etoufee - Qu’est-ce que c’est
Maque choux - Stir up the roux
Red beans & rice - I get it twice
Fricasee - Cochon de lait
Spanish moss hangin’ from the trees
Spirits coolin’ in the summer breeze
Taste the fruit - Down in the boot
Lafayette - It’s what you get
Thibodeaux - Say it slow
Bayou Teche - Allons a peche All songs © Mike Thomas 2016